And the Oscar goes to...Ellen DeGeneres. She used to be gay, right?

http://www.advocate.com/currentstory1_w_ektid41442.asp

All eyes on Ellen
Our favorite trailblazer already has America at her feet—and now, as the first openly gay host of the Academy Awards, Ellen DeGeneres is ready to win hearts all over the world.

By Anne Stockwell

If you want to read the rest, click on the link.  The important part (as far as I'm concerned) is that once again, Ellen is in the spotlight, Ellen is successful, Ellen is the spokesperson, idol, and hero of The Gay World.  And once again, her success continues to hinge upon how nonthreatening her sexuality is perceived.  Once again, Ellen DeGeneres is granted access to and given praise by the dominant culture by "appearing most like them," by "making gay seem like straight...only different."

And I object. 

Don't get me wrong.  Ellen DeGeneres is one of my favourite people on the planet (we've never met -- I'm being a tad dramatic).  And it's not like she didn't try the whole "being gay and being successful" thing.  She did.  It failed.  How could I judge her for finding what works and running with it?

But I do mind gay being portrayed as "just like straight except for one little difference."  Or, I guess to be fair, I think it's a blow to queerness at the very least.  Why do we do this?  Why does this happen?  Who benefits? 

Dominant discourse.  The "sexually deviant" are granted access to the heteronormative VIP club as long as we can walk the walk and talk the talk.  And the result?  We've got parenting groups, couples counseling, straight-alike characters on television and an endless battle for an equal opportunity to both divorce and die in war.  Brilliant.

What if we queered it up a little?  Sure, these things are great (for some of the people, some of the time).  But what if we stopped trying so damned hard to look like everyone else?  Took the gloves off and were just...well...queer.

Couples counseling, Solo love counseling, Healthy Asexuality counseling, Group love counseling.  Parenting groups, anti-children groups.  In Your Face Queer on television, whatever that might look like.   Marriage, Nonmonogamy, Polygamy, Whatever-gamy.  Queer as Pacifist Conscientious Objector. 

Why not?  Why limit ourselves to a never-quite-good enough imitation of what we never-quite-are?  Why continue to allow dominant culture to dictate for us what we should want?  How do we know we want it?  Because we don't have it?  The grass is always greener...

It may work for some, it may not work for others.  But we'll never know what we could've been, what we could've wanted, as long as we attach such blind value to all things hetero.

So, Ellen, congratulations.  But remember, Gay it Forward (unapologetic rip-off of a most excellent Will and Grace line).